Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Changing times

Oh, I wish I could say something jolly to start off this post. It’s been so long coming…well, I certainly wouldn’t want to depress anyone (not even me should I ever re-read it again!).

I did have a draft detailing all the hold-ups and put-downs that got me down over the past year. And I’d worked so hard on it (as also on, at least, one other blog post, part of a novel and a couple of short story intro’s), all saved on Word. But, guess what? In all the fatigue of MS, the exhaustion of outside inflences, I hadn’t “backed up” for a while…and - you’ve got it! – crash! My eight-year-old Thinkpad had the equivalent of a human heart attack, and died.

Now this was the same week my mother died of a stroke and, before that, I’d cut my hair (well, Tom had!) from hip to ear length.

In the month of September. At the beginning of August: my first live-in carer moved in, gave us all (Lucy, Tom when he was here – he’d had to give up his room – and me) claustrophobia, and re-damaged my left foot (distracted me on way to bathroom; twisted on metal threshold; a year’s healing and physio [my own version], since fall, ruined ). [Note: the carer still gives us claustrophobia. Wish he (!) had his own place nearby. My (?) mistake. We might speak of this later.]

September also demanded I: 1) fill in that wretched – oh, I wrote so much about this in the last draft! – ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) form, and 2) keep an eye on which herbs and supplements the EU’s new licensing laws (April 2011 – see THMPD [Traditional Herbal Medicinal Products Directive]) would still allow us to buy through retailers (i.e. Baldwins, where Tom is manager, and I have bought my herbs for years).

[Notes: 1) my MS nurse helped like mad with the ESA form, filling in answers and writing a report. I was put into the Support group, in the end, after the months of worry about it. And I didn’t get the threatened Medical, after … Thank you, S---. 2) I am happy to report that: at least the herbs in their raw state are available over-the-herbalist’s counter – no brand-name (God’s own?), you see, or medicinal endorsement on back of packaging. And most of the supplements, I know of/use, are still on the shelves…if with their potency weakened.]

Yep, it was a whole bad month. Preceded by a good (oxymoron coming up) bad 11 months or so. Not a good year at all, since that fall.

Just realized I haven’t mentioned my overall physical/MS state… Aha, perhaps that’s because I don’t want to engage with it, dignify it, admit it at all. Sad, isn’t it?

But, okay: I spend too much time in my armchair now; find it harder and harder to force myself out of bed in the mornings; panic too much when I’m on my own (that feels as though it stems from a physical source, and/or is purely because I am worried about being ill alone or, worse, with Lucy so that she doesn’t know what’s happening), and all-in-all, am in a much more feeble state than I used to be.

I have to say though, things might not be half so bad, if only other people were kinder.

And I don’t mean outside people. Not so much. In fact, right here, right now I will say, hats off to Anglian Home Improvements who were great when they were contracted to do home improvements for my landlord. After hearing of my situation their spokesperson wrote me a very sympathetic email, assuring me they wouldn’t contact me again. Anglian Home Improvements really do seem to be the decent lot they are portrayed to be in those “we’re making a film” ads. Thank you, guys.

The same gratitude must now go to Mulalley & Co. builders. In recent weeks, they too have shown compassion and understanding for someone who has chosen to stay at home rather than go into a Home, and who needs their “bubble” to remain calm and quiet. Mulalley: cheers to you all.

The Government, EU, and, to some extent, the local council/RSL (Registered Social Landlord [in other words, bureaucracy]) must take a lot of the blame for the stress-exacerbated progression of my MS (as also for the suffering experienced by anyone having to fill in an ESA form or go without their traditional herbal remedies, etc. ).

But, after all my rantings and dreadings of having to live, again, on a building site (as at my last address for a hellish “Regeneration” three years), at least in this home it’s stayed quiet enough, long enough, for the spiders to still enjoy their freedom to roam. (Don’t ask – but I’m down to about 30 a year!) The “Home Improvements” – so far (!) – have not been a huge problem.

I’m afraid the ‘unkindness’ of which I speak, comes (I wish it was past tense, it isn’t), mainly, from family…but, also, quite a bit, from the present carer.

Even the Care Agency (I chose to give my Direct Payments to!). This little group, which isn’t based in London and does seem to have lots of positive testimonials from clients and their relatives, decided to “punish” me, by not providing me with a “cover carer” when A. (I’ll call him ‘A.’ for the sake of his privacy) was away on his 10-day “break”. Because I hadn’t answered the ‘phone, the day proposed cover-carer rang up (at some un-appointed time). Because I’d “refused” (the word A. used to them) to take the call, as I was writing.

Well, for Heaven’s sake, did anyone listen when I said, days later, that I might have been: on the loo; sleeping; praying; receiving visitors; panicking about something other than a ‘phone call; worrying about someone else (i.e. my mother/son/sister/brother/friend), and that it was against the Law – see Equality Act, Parts 2 & 3, I believe? No, of course they didn’t.

And I probably should have made more noise about it…but, heck, I had to find another carer (which wasn’t easy but was, eventually, managed for day-time - thank you, E------ Care in SE London), and then Tom decided to stay…so we got by that way, and it was sort-of good. At least, we all three got some space!

Maybe I’ll put the name of the bad agency here. They couldn’t sue me for libel, they put the explanation for their “punishment” in writing (clever huh?) and sent it to me (caring, huh?), Umm… Never did go to Athens!

Anyway, I refuse to let this lot get me down. And I have missed my dear blogs so badly.

So, I will be jolly again. And, you know what? I think I’ll put a copy of this post (like the one about the “fall”) on all my blogs, in order to move on: write about different topics with all of this, last year’s nonsense, out of the way.

It might be the beginning of the end as far as my mortal coil (thanks, Shakespeare) is concerned, but, hey: I always meant to go about dying with dignity (do I need to say ‘naturally’?) and a smile on my face, and that’s what I intend to do.

God bless all who’ve spent time reading this.

Virginia

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

A fall comes before...a long silence

Last August I had a fall: a slip on the bathroom floor whereby my left leg flew under the shower chair, flipped it into the air and brought it down on top of me. So that I lay there, half on the hall floor, for an hour while I waited: first for Tom to arrive from work, and second – when he didn’t at his usual time – for the panic-button people and an ambulance crew to come and pick me up.

And it was agony. And poor little Lucy (toy poodle - as if you didn’t know!), who was in her own room “resting” while I cleaned up her “mess”, remained nonchalant the whole way through: didn’t even respond to all my shouts into the alarm microphone or when the lady from the council and ambulance men finally came, and with me discovering more pain and damaged nerves (shaking leg) by the moment, caused so much commotion. In fact, I think the only time she perked up was when Tom entered the scene and she heard his voice, smelled his smell: that’s always a precursor to excitement from Lucy!

I spent two weeks sitting and sleeping in the same chair (perhaps I should have gone for x-rays but I didn’t: just smeared arnica oil on everything and took extra herbs), and dear Tom waited on me hand and foot. He had a few days off to help but when he absolutely had to go back to work, left me a coffee table covered in flasks of coffee and herb teas, and cups of tissanes and spare cups…and crisps and biscuits…and, yet again, I’d never have managed without him. What a hero!

[Note: rang social services screaming for help but found out file had been closed and had to wait for “re-allocation”. Not the first time we’ve heard that. Should make a lot of noise complaining about it. But it’s too boring. And I’ve got to think of more positive things. Or go down, mentally.]

Yep, it took two weeks to be able to get back into my profiling bed and then - what a relief -: with my legs raised, the grotesque swelling gradually reduced and it got a bit easier to move: I started staggering – “furniture-walking” with a vengeance (never daring not to be holding something) and life looked a bit more hopeful. I spent about a month buying new and different slippers, online, till I found something I could stick with (literally, to the ground?!) and now, here we are…

Well, I have to admit that fall is still having an effect: I still can’t walk brilliantly; lose my balance a lot more; feel pain where there was none, or a lot less, before and, worst of all, sometimes, feel helpless…

I write constantly but too much gets drafted only to be ignored, through fatigue or depression, and then forgotten - going nowhere… And so there’s a new yardstick: if this piece actually does get posted…well, that’ll be an improvement and maybe the other bits I prepared for blogs can follow. That would be good.

In the end, I just want to say, “I’m sorry”. For anyone else who’s had a fall (and I know there are many - some who are bed-bound as a result and develop infections). You are all in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.

Virginia

Monday, 10 August 2009

Trilogy intro - plus turmeric/curcumin

The next three posts all seem to go together so I’m going to publish them, hopefully in the order they were written (“MS is getting on my nerves” first), on the same day.

However, even after eighteen months’ blogging, I’m not sure of the best way to go about it. I do want three separate posts, each with its own title and its own window…

Oh, I don’t know, I suppose if I succeed, this little bit will be pointless. Regardless of whether the posts themselves are still topical - which they won’t be, if I don’t get a move on!…

How about, then (just in case), I say something here to make this post, alone, worthwhile? Well, I can try…

Turmeric. Most notably, its curcumin component.

Wow! I have been using turmeric powder, twice a day – morning and bedtime – for the last few months and my gosh, I’m seeing, and feeling, improvements in my MS. My legs are less painful and stronger. I have more energy and keep going longer and more often. My brain (they say it’s a good preventative of Alzheimer’s and I can believe it!) has been on overdrive and I can’t stop writing/studying/writing again. I feel more optimistic about the future and am even making plans for it.

All this, as well as saving my life as a bronchodilator. And I know it has.

There you go! Turmeric/curcumin. I’m sure I’ll be talking/raving about it again, soon.

But first, those three posts…

MS is getting on my nerves

Yep, it’s getting too much now all this CNS (Central Nervous System) under attack and dying nonsense. It’s an insult. A long, drawn out wasting away of every little function, every big function, till you don’t know which one will collapse on you first. And it’s all just a waiting-game, with pain and chronic fatigue its constant companions.

And no one talks about brain damage, which is what the lesions of sclerosis on your cerebrum cause and which ensures nobody likes you, ‘cos you have mood-swings and a vicious temper. And you’re left alone, too much, when you need help.

MS is an insult.

I guess it’s the bladder and the bowels that get you worst of all. They’re what really cause the aggro. And keep you hidden away and embarrassed, even in front of yourself. In front of anyone else (carers included)? Well, that’s where the body degradation lies, right there in the bathroom (or wherever!), in your toilet activities – or lack of them. That’s the humiliation and where you might lose your dignity.

If you don’t watch out. And allow it.

Which is easy to do, ’cos you get angry and you’re exhausted and in constant pain.

The final insult, I suppose, will be when you die of something else and not MS itself (that’d make it ‘terminal’ with people forced to sympathise – they don’t want to) but another thing that you got or that happened, as a consequence of MS. A “complication”, as they call it. [Unless, of course, it’s one of those “life” things that can happen to anyone.]

It’s not all bad though. There is still “the MS consolation” – I think I coined that one! With cognitive dysfunction (I forgot to mention it due to my cognitive dysfunction!), you hardly notice yourself slipping away.

I just hope I’m slipping towards somewhere better! …

PPMS "terminal"?

Debbie Purdy, a fellow PPMSer, took her case to the House of Lords and won. In future it will be possible for someone to escort a person wishing to end their life to Switzerland (“Dignitas”), for example, without risking prosecution. I wrote the piece below after hearing complaints, from MSers, about PPMS (Ms Purdy’s type, though in the media, not always made clear) being described as “terminal”.


So, let’s take a look at this…

Q. What is “primary progressive multiple sclerosis” (PPMS)?

A. First of all, it’s MS by definition: multiple plaques of sclerosis in the brain and spine.

Q. What are ‘plaques’? What is ‘sclerosis’?

A. Plaques are lesions which “dig in” to tissue causing it to harden/break down. This result is called ‘sclerosis’.

Many in the medical establishment believe that MS is an auto-immune disease with the immune system itself attacking the body: in MS, specifically, the myelin sheath (coating) normally protecting nerve fibres.

I, personally (along with many naturopaths), believe the sclerosis to be caused by the yeast Candida Albicans (see: “Candida Albicans and MS – a life story”).

The results are the same but not the “treatments” (see: “Supplements, Herbs & Essential-oils” for my own).

Q. What do we mean by ‘progressive’?

A. All bodily tissue is made up of fibres and neurons (nerve cells) belonging to the “central nervous system” (CNS). Once attached to the CNS the lesions worsen and multiply, spreading thoughout the body, causing increased degeneration. In PPMS this degeneration “progresses” continually with no remissions.

Q. Which parts of the body depend on the CNS being healthy?

A. Every single part. We are our nervous systems: our immune systems; every organ - large (brain, heart, lungs) and small (eyes, ears, bladder, bowels); our limbs and muscles; every sense and function (i.e. thinking, seeing, hearing, tasting, swallowing, urinating, defecating).

Every part and everything about us, is dependent on our CNS.

Q. So, is PPMS (as opposed to the other types of MS) terminal?

A. How long can someone last with a progressively degenerating CNS and a compromised immune system?

Conclusion: PPMS is terminal, if only because of the complications arising as a result of it.

Note: the most common causes of PPMS-related death are: suicide; choking; pneumonia (or other respiratory disease).


Disclaimer: as always, I write only from experience and research. I hold no formal qualifications in medicine.

[Satire!] A note to Debbie Purdy...

…following Law Lords’ court ruling (30th July ’09)

Gee thanks, Debbie, now it will be easier to have someone come with us to Switzerland (“Dignitas” my***!) to end our lives. They’ll even be able to help us, if and when we MSers are too paralysed, and won’t get charged for committing a crime – as long as we did volunteer for it.

Nice one! Because, it surely follows that it won’t be long before we won’t have to travel (too hard and tiring); relatives will be able to euthanize at their own discretion (always believing we would have wished it, of course). Doctors and nurses – even lovely carers - will be applauded for their “acts of mercy”…

And, when the State realizes how “useful” this is to society, by extension, it will force the extinction of all elderly and infirm citizens: no one else will need to make those burdensome decisions again. We’ll all be free to relax.

Won’t be long now. Thank you, Debbie (word to the wise, though: don’t try and take all the credit, it would have happened anyway).

Your fellow PP [primary progressive] MSer,

Virginia

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Taking your next breath

For some, the next breath is not something that can be taken for granted (though, come to think of it nor should it be for anyone – we’ll all breathe our last one day). From one day to the next, the physical challenge of keeping the lungs filled with oxygen takes over from everything else: after this breath, the one I’m breathing now, will there be another?

For some, it may mean hospitalisation, or even moving into a hospice.

Yet there are things we can do before we reach that stage - herbal remedies, refinements in diet, extra mechanical aids in the home – to help now. I know, because I’m having to use them…

I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis (PPMS), but apart from the usual symptoms of this disease (spastic, painful, legs; chronic fatigue; weak limbs; bladder and bowel incontinence; poor eyes; cognitive dysfunction), the biggest problem lately – the most worrying – has been with the lungs.

I seem to have asthmatic symptoms (with panic but that’s another story!); I do have post-nasal drip, and - as a smoker for half of my life - could expect to have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) . Many years ago I was diagnosed with tuberculosis (TB) but – and this can be verified by Guy’s Hospital, London – cleared it without the use of pharmaceutical drugs. The methods I use now are those I used then and would use for any of the following:

- asthma;
- bronchitis;
- emphysema;
- pneumonia;
- pleurisy;
- TB;
- COPD (made up of the first three above);
- lung cancer;
- sinusitis.

So, what are my methods? What is my Respiratory Rescue (RR)? Well, as I consider most things (health-wise) to be related to or caused by Candida Albicans, it too, depends on my anti-Candida regime of diet and herbs. It just means adding more herbs, specifically suited to the respiratory system:

NB Dosages for all herbs (unless stated otherwise): one quarter of a teaspoon two or three times daily.

thyme – I could have called this piece ‘Thyme heals!’ for the importance of this wonderful herb – it works as an antiseptic (very strong), anti-spasmodic (esp. asthma spasms) expectorant [clears mucus] de-congestant – I now take one teaspoon in a tea, daily and would never (God willing!) be without it;

eucalyptus – mainly used as expectorant/decongestant inhalant if breathing difficult, but especially valuable as chest and throat rub in times of infection/cough;

elecampane – for me, I think, the original life-saver with TB: a powerful antiseptic/expectorant (does contain inulin [fructose] though, so would only use now in emergency);

golden seal – an absolute life-saver: broad-spectrum anti-biotic (without side affects of phamaceuticals); can be used externally in the form of a paste (water added to powder), as a tea with the root, or by adding powder to water and drinking; I also use, with myrrh, for brushing teeth and gargling (good for post-nasal drip); a few grains internally, daily, for TB and other infections;

echinacea – my #1 herb and leader in my anti Candida regime - worth noting again here for its invaluable assistance in any respiratory problems: great immune system strengthener and supporter; strong antiseptic; decongestant and expectorant;

eyebright – another star in my herbal cast of characters (probably couldn’t see without it and would undoubtedly have much worse optic neuritis [eye pain with MS]); mentioned here for its ability, with echinacea, to clear sinuses – the perfect remedy for hayfever, rhinitis and nasal catarrh;

golden rod – one more I now take daily: antiseptic and anti-catarrhal;

tea tree oil – tea tree is an all-rounder – used for everything, and I use it all round the house as air-freshener/fumigator, decongestant and antiseptic for everyone! Also: three times a day as antiseptic mouthwash (with gargle!), and to kill any germs anywhere on anything or anyone – it will even wipe out fleas, mites (arachnids) and ticks on a dog! Essential shampoo for whole family. Works like eucalyptus but more gently, so I use more often, as chest-rub.

turmeric root (as powder) – a recent discovery, for me: very effective (and safe) bronchodilator.

Other herbs I have used, successfully, to clear lungs of congestion (but don’t take regularly – I think we all have to find the ones most suitable to our own bodies) include: mullein [slightly narcotic – no good for me!]; white horehound; pleurisy root (holding onto that in case of pneumonia!); plantain; watercress, and coltsfoot.

And that’s about it. Those, plus the anti-Candida diet (be especially careful with dairy products [go without!] and perhaps wheat and other grains (all mucus-forming foods).

Oh, and I do have a dehumidifier and air-purifier – great aid on breathless nights – and also keep a couple of oxygen bottles (the small mobile ones) handy. Touch wood, I haven’t had to use them lately (hah, tempting fate again, Virginia?!).

Anyway, I hope some of this helps some of you and that taking your next breath will be trouble-free. God bless.


Disclaimer

The information I give here has been gathered from my own research and experiences of the last 20 years.

The recommendations I make are for remedies which, through trial and error, my family and I have found to be most helpful.

I have not used pharmaceutical products since 1990 and do not see anyone from the medical establishment (doctors, etc.), other than MS Nurse annually.

***

All herbs available from medical herbalists including (international mail order available): G. Baldwin & Co.