Monday, 10 August 2009

MS is getting on my nerves

Yep, it’s getting too much now all this CNS (Central Nervous System) under attack and dying nonsense. It’s an insult. A long, drawn out wasting away of every little function, every big function, till you don’t know which one will collapse on you first. And it’s all just a waiting-game, with pain and chronic fatigue its constant companions.

And no one talks about brain damage, which is what the lesions of sclerosis on your cerebrum cause and which ensures nobody likes you, ‘cos you have mood-swings and a vicious temper. And you’re left alone, too much, when you need help.

MS is an insult.

I guess it’s the bladder and the bowels that get you worst of all. They’re what really cause the aggro. And keep you hidden away and embarrassed, even in front of yourself. In front of anyone else (carers included)? Well, that’s where the body degradation lies, right there in the bathroom (or wherever!), in your toilet activities – or lack of them. That’s the humiliation and where you might lose your dignity.

If you don’t watch out. And allow it.

Which is easy to do, ’cos you get angry and you’re exhausted and in constant pain.

The final insult, I suppose, will be when you die of something else and not MS itself (that’d make it ‘terminal’ with people forced to sympathise – they don’t want to) but another thing that you got or that happened, as a consequence of MS. A “complication”, as they call it. [Unless, of course, it’s one of those “life” things that can happen to anyone.]

It’s not all bad though. There is still “the MS consolation” – I think I coined that one! With cognitive dysfunction (I forgot to mention it due to my cognitive dysfunction!), you hardly notice yourself slipping away.

I just hope I’m slipping towards somewhere better! …

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Virginia,

I don't know if your still updating your blog or not, but if you are still monitoring it, please come over to TIMS and have a read. There is an interesting "new twist" in the theory of MS.

I believe facebook has a UK blog for CCSVI as well. This is really interesting!

By the way, I am on an anti-candida diet as well since 2009. I'm doing OK, but like most MS'ers I'm always on a search for more information.